Sundays

Perhaps you know the song, "What I Love About Sundays"...where the singer reflects on the great things about Sundays between church, family, friends, etc.  Up until July I could have also joined in the song with my own list of the things I love about Sunday...but then she moved in.

I don't want anyone to think I don't like that.  It's actually gone much smoother than I ever dreamed.

But the struggle began as we started considering what to do about church each week.  She has been a member of the same church since 1968 and is a life-long Methodist.  You might think, "You're married to a UM minister." And you'd be right, I am.  But I don't attend a traditional service.  Nor do I attend any number of mediocre contemporary services offered in our vicinity.  We attend a church that is alive and has very loud worship.

Still, I believe that she deserves to experience that which she MAY have a connection to each week. That is not the service we attend.  So we started our search for a traditional service that could work for her.  We also, though, wanted to find a service that would allow us to continue attending our church with our family.

Now every Sunday I sit through a traditional UM service a la my childhood.  And most Sundays I find myself lost in thoughts of my past and wondering just how much of this is really sinking in to those who are in the pews.  It's so rote.  So routine.  So blah.  So so...But she likes it.

Then we come home for just under an hour and head out again to our service.  And she comes.  Sometimes she's agitated by the music.  Others I find her clapping and trying to sing along.  Sometimes it's too loud for me, so I KNOW it has to be too loud for her.

I find, though, that rather than relaxing and really enjoying my Sundays, I'm worried about her perception.  Her comfort.  Her experience.  And it's often at the cost of my own.

I told my DH not long ago that I think I'm learning just how selfish I really am.  So every seven days I get the chance to shave off more of it and become more compassionate.  More settled.  More willing to listen and learn in the moment no matter how much I don't like it.

And some Sundays I DO learn.  The nice thing is I will continue to get practice.  Lots of it.  Every single Sunday while she's with me.